Let’s arm ourselves with knowledge! I thought I’d make a sort of checklist, for traits/signs that a person is a narcissist.
This is a list both based on countless articles I’ve read, but also my own experience from years of observing a narcissist up close. (Don’t worry, I’ll soon get back to writing posts of a more emotional/personal character☺). Here goes the list though, since knowledge is indeed power:
1.Lack of empathy. One of the biggest tell tale signs, in my experience.
2. Lack of accountability/remorse. (Nothing is EVER their fault).
3. Exploits situations/people for their own gain.
4. Excessive need for attention. (Positive or negative. Very often leads to cheating on the partner, online or in real life).
5. Manipulative. (Uses lies, half-truths, and a variety of ways, to manipulate you emotionally).
6. Incapable of changing their (bad) behaviours. (No amount of pleading/crying/yelling on your part will make a difference).
7. Very concerned with the image of themselves as wonderful people. (But when you scrape the surface you have a hard time finding good and true “core values”/actions).
8. Very hard to get close to. True intimacy, where you connect on a deeper level, is hard to achieve. You don’t get to know the “core” of them: dreams, memories, values, fears. “A feeling of emptiness” underneath their mask.
9. Emotionally abusive. Either in overt ways: name-calling, tantrums, rage. Or in covert ways; passive aggressive behaviours, such as Silent Treatments.
10. Self-centered and selfish, to an extreme extent. Their needs will always come first. Always. This can lead to a lot of broken promises and your needs not being met. If they feel something is inconvenient for them, they simply refrain from doing it, no matter the consequences for you.
11. Can be very charming, especially in the initial stage of the relationship, when they are prone to idealizing/love bombing you. They create a feeling that you are so special, etc. This is to hook you. Can use the words “soul mates”.
12. After a while they devalue you and then discard you. Then come back again. A Neverending cycle of Idealizing – devaluing -discarding, of you. This maddening merry-go-round can go on for your entire life, if you let it.
13. They usually don’t let go of their victims. They can resurface weeks after you split up, suddenly so in love with you, begging for another chance. (This is called hoovering). If you accept, they will soon treat you badly and/or disappear again. This will throw you between hope and despair, heaven and hell.