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I want to erase you. The memory of ever having known you. I want to erase all the feelings of love and hatred. All the suffering which you had no right, by any human rules or divine laws, to put me through.

Is it too much to ask that scientists speed up the process of creating technology that can erase memories? We’ve been to the moon already.  And that was quite a while back.—

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—I find myself walking in a forest. How remarkable and strange it is, that one moment I’m encompassed by darkness, and the next, the sunshine breaks through. I make haste, to reach the open fields where I can see further, and walk beneath the open skies.

This is grief. This is my walk, my pilgrimage, my burden. This is what I want to escape. Erase it all and free me.

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Would I erase it all, if I could, though? In my darkest moments; a whispered, faint; Yes. Until that voice of a female, from within, takes over and firmly soothes me and says; No, you shall go through this, victorious. Remember me…  —Strange, I recognize her; yet she is still unknown to me. I could never tell you who she is.

I feel she’s ancient; a thousand years old. She has been travelling the seas, seen wars, felt the grief of thousands. Is she a part of a heritage, the sea faring people of my homeland’s ancient past? No time for grief had she; only to face life, or death. —

— No, I shall not erase you, the man who plundered everything. You shall serve as a reminder that I will never again break bread with the likes of you. You are an oathbreaker, yet you shall never break me. You and those of your tribe are banished from these borders, for all eternity.

I glimpse the fields now, I will walk on to the mountains; I long for their purity, their beauty, their ability to just exist, remain steadfast and silent, for thousands of years. Untouched by the woes of the world.

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— No, you will not walk in eternal sunshine. You, the man who escaped worldly punishment. You can not escape the pollution and poison that you’ve spread, it is now in your water, air and ground. Everything you consume will poison your own soul. When you return and beg me to cleanse it all, to heal your disease, you will not find me here. I’m in a new land by then.–

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* This is a new category I made, Ramblings and Regrets, it’s for my own grief processing, journaling, random thoughts. It will be a category for the messy stuff, that won’t let  itself be sorted in anywhere else*

Love//Survived