However bad things got, both before and after, I will never forget our road trip to my favorite place on this planet. Our trip to Scotland. Despite the fact that the relationship itself would turn out to be fake in the end, nothing can touch my memories from those days. They are frozen in time.
If narcissists can be real and love someone, even for just one moment in a lifetime, I think that place and time, and what we shared, must be it. Or at the very least, it’s a good candidate for the title The One Moment that the Narc Felt Love.
–You see, it’s not all bad, all the time. Then we’d have to be real crazy to stick around, wouldn’t we. I think that’s one of the major draws for us, that make us go back for more. Cause there are certain times, that you feel; This can’t be only an act. There must be some shrivel of feeling, inside the other person. However fleeting that moment is. —
We travelled around the whole country by car. We saw amazing places; Mountain landscapes, absolutely still lakes, like mirrors. We visited small villages with friendly locals and cozy pubs. One time we ran through a field, in the pouring rain, no people around, just silent mountains. We reached an old castle ruin. Time rushed back a thousand years, and the world grew still.
If I were an artist, a painter, I wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world but there. The light, playing over the mountain slopes is breathtaking! It is like God made this place his personal canvas and paints it anew, every day.
We drove around, pressing on like lunatics, to see everything. Staying at campsites and inexpensive lodgings. We joked and laughed, explored all the magic little places, like children who run away from home, for just a day of adventure. We made a hillwalk and laughed at this crazy, posh girl, who had brought her very feminine and posh shoes, to walk up the hill. We advised her not to go in those on the slippery trail. She didn’t listen. We never found out how that turned out for her.
We didn’t care about our looks, we wore sturdy shoes, soft clothes, we were wild and ragged and free. I remember thinking that I would never wish for anything else, if I could just keep this happiness, store it in a little jar.
The nights.. The nights. Traces of the ashes of them, still linger in my soul. We were the only people left in the world. In retrospect, I still can not fathom that a person could have acted his way, through all of that.
Maybe I’m wrong, maybe this too was all a charade. But, no, I refuse to believe that. Please, just let me keep this one. Only this one…
I will never know, now. Not for sure. But in my mind, I will keep those days locked away inside. Like precious diamonds, they shall last forever.