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Do you ever wish you could go back and just have a do-over? Depending on how your life has turned out, you may regret a special occasion gone awry, a few “incidents”, or for some, maybe even long periods of time in your life just feel like a “mistake”. 

Some of it was plain circumstances, like a dysfunctional childhood, someone treating us badly, or the death of a loved one. But, and this is hard to face; a lot of our life turns out to be the result of our own choices. Now, if you think you’ve made some bad ones, and now your life feels like shit, the shame and self-loathing can sometimes feel overwhelming.

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It was in this kind of spiralling “What the hell is wrong with me, how did I even get here”-rants in my mind, that I found something that changed me. You see, I’d always thought as a child, and even into my 20’s, that life was: You meet someone you love, you’re all set; you move in together, have children, end of story. In reality, my romantic relationships went down the drain one after the other, and eventually I found myself with the narcissist (Hero).. And now, I’m just sort of “lost”.

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It was during my relationship with him that I, “by accident”(or maybe I was meant to?) started watching the show Being Erica. About a woman in her early 30’s who finds herself feeling like a complete failure. Now, they say a book can change your life. I agree! But I wanna add; a TV-show can, too! Now you might be thinking; what kind of shallow person is this (me)? I assure you, I’m really not. (Which you may or may not have noticed, while reading my blog).

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This tv-show really “spoke” directly to me. Erica Strange, the main character, starts therapy to process all that she’s done “wrong”. I don’t want to spoil the whole series for ya, if you get tempted to watch it, but I’ll say that “time travel” is involved, too!

The show makes you think about choices, life, the past and the future. It’s also about friendship, love, family, loss, moving on, staying true to yourself, growing as a person. Now, do not let yourselves be fooled! Cause going into the first few episodes, I still found myself thinking “Well, this may turn out to be only another ‘chick flick’ show”, with nothing underneath the surface of handsome actors and a cute/quirky dialogue. And sure, it does often have a bit of  a “girly” feel, too. (Not in a way that made me cringe, though!)

Judge for yourselves,  but for me, it held so much more, once I  gave it a genuine chance. It just sort of grew and grew! Cause, while not shying away from drama/darker aspects of life, it somehow still manages to have a sense of humour; depict relatable everyday conundrums like a bitchy boss at work, or the hassle of modern dating. And leaves you with a hopeful and positive vibe. Feelgood-TV, at its best! 

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Sometimes when I beat myself up mercilessly, for being such an idiot staying for so long with the narcissist, I think back to Being Erica, and how it really gave me hope, during some really dark days of my life with Narc. This show actually, in some weird and unlikely way, played a part in building my self-confidence and joy back up, from nothing. Which is why I believe that it in some small way also contributed to me eventually leaving the narcissist. It was like a temp at your job,  an “acting hope”, when I had none!

Naturally, a TV show didn’t accomplish that on its own. I had a couple of friends who also were my voice of reason. And myself. (But still; me being totally brainwashed at the time, and SO miserable with the narc, that I’d all but isolated myself, gives you more of an understanding of how this TV show could influence me so much).

Whether you’re a victim/survivor of abuse, or just have many regrets .. Or hey, even if you’re just bored and have some time on your hands, I really do recommend that you give this TV series a genuine try. Could be thought-provoking, almost life changing, or simply nice entertainment,  (and that’s not too shabby either! ;)) It stopped running quite a while back, after several seasons, but I’m sure you can find it “somewhere” on the Internet. (Hey, I’m not encouraging any crime here, I’m talking about that it’s bound to be up for downloading legally somewhere…)

I leave you with a song from the TV series. The singer in the video is an actor on the show (also a singer IRL). In the series, he is one of Erica’s love interests, and the video is just a tiny bit spoiler-y, (but not in any big way, really).

Lovely Song Video Here!!

With Love And Hope For You All//Survived💜

(Erica pics;jillatkinson/behance.net)