It’s happened again. He’s reached out again. (The unimaginable bastard!)
I’ve just received somewhere between 8-10 e-mails from narcissistic ex, aka Hero. Each one very short, as he has nothing meaningful to say. (Did he ever?) I’m informed by him that I’m welcome to visit him, (why thank you, Your Highness!), and can I please reply. And later on I’m informed that it is quite sad that I don’t reply. Not a single question about how I am doing, nothing at all mentioned about him wanting to repair the damage he created during four years. Simply a thinly veiled request for some meaningless, casual sex. Or, an ego stroke, at least.
The arrogance. Really? Right at Christmas, he reaches out and rips of the bandages off my wounds? Without so much as an apology, or any serious intent behind his words? He reaches out only to use me, again? Not a single blip shows up on his moral radar while doing this. Cause he does not have a moral radar!
He’s just a ship drifting at sea, with its rudder broken, and a captain who has jumped over board, saving himself in the only life-boat, leaving men, women and children to fend for themselves. He doesn’t even know this, but he has always been lost, on a remote and lonely sea. Turning to me when all else fails. Asking me to “help him”, to be his true North, his compass.
-(I can not save you from yourself anymore)-
I didn’t think I could feel more aversion, bewilderment and disgust at his complete and utter disregard for my well-being. But hey, look, he surpassed himself yet again, in eliciting emotions from me. Emotions, but not an emotional response, for him to savour and guzzle up like it were smoked shrimp with garlic mayo! I am done serving and catering to this empty shell, with the insatiable appetite for anyone and everyone who will feed him.
This is what narcissists do. This is commonly referred to as the narcissist’s “reset button”.
They expect to be welcomed back into your life with open arms, in whatever form of relationship that suits their needs. To them, it is like nothing ever happened. A bit of time has passed by and everything is good as new.
Many of them have very vague memories of the past. Of course, they know they didn’t treat you right. But that was basically “your fault” anyway. If you hadn’t done “this, that or the other”, then they wouldn’t have been forced to lie/cheat/break promises, etc. But they are willing to “forgive”, so they assume you are, too. It never crosses their mind (on any deeper level), that they have caused you extreme emotional pain, which may explain why you’re not so eager to kiss and make up.
Erase and rewind. Restart the Nintendo game, Super Mario always comes alive again, right? Bygones?
No. Not this time. Sorry.
I’ve quit all my positions, as your acting conscience, friend with benefits, masseuse of Ego, and The One Who Constantly Forgives You. Your true North is now shrouded in mist and will never again be visible to your eyes.