Yep. Narcissist is back in town. Hoovering. He had created a new e-mail account, to bypass my blocking of his original e-mail account. As usual.
What profound words did he utter this time, you may wonder? Nothing. He sent me half a page of – nothing. Well sure, there were words there. But he didn’t really say anything. Oh, yeah, I correct myself.. there was some sort of “message” there. The message was: “I miss you”. Oh, ok. Thanks.. I guess? What am I supposed to do with that? Where is the rest of that message… or, I mean, what’s the point of just telling some ex that you “miss them”? Either you want to get back together, and then you clearly state that, or you get the f*ck out of their hair, and let them be, to do their healing, (if that’s what they’ve clearly stated, as their wish). Right? Or was I the only one who took the class “Decent Post-Break-Up Behavior 101”?
A narcissist will never respect your wishes. Ever. If you set a boundary, they will find a way to cross it. Like Hero did, just now. He is well aware he is not supposed to contact me, that it hurts me. Especially, if he writes empty bullshit words, like “I miss you”. He knows all this. So, why is he writing me? A few simple reasons: 1) He wants a reaction, he wants narcissistic supply. He wants to see that I haven’t forgotten him or gotten over him. (Nice, thoughtful guy, huh?), and 2) He wants to make himself the “victim”…like: “Oh poor me, I’m just sitting here, alone, missing you…”. 3) He wants me back in the mind games, it’s no fun when his oldest, most trusted toy, suddenly wasn’t there on the shelf, anymore. The new toys are flashy and fun, for sure, but they can’t compare when it comes to being reliable. I’m the old, worn, soft teddybear, and they are the shiny new plastic dolls.
Why don’t I just change my e-mail address? I know. It would be the best thing. I can not get this done however, in the foreseeable future. It is an e-mail address that I really have to keep, because of my job. I have blocked Hero as much as I can, changed phone number, blocked him on Facebook, etc.
Isn’t it almost spooky, how narcissists have a sixth sense, meaning, they always pop back up, just when you’ve started taking small steps in a good direction? When you see small signs in yourself that you’re healing, then bam, there’s the narcissist! It never fails. I’ve been feeling quite low the last 10 days or so. Not heard a word from the narcissist. And then I suddenly felt so much better, yesterday, I wrote the post about Healing, that you may have read. And then, certain as death and taxes, the narcissist re-enters the stage. (I can almost see him in front of me on the stage, exclaiming: “Healing? What healing? No such thing is allowed in my world!“)
I ask you, universe, grant me the strength, to not ever reply to that person, again. I am calling out to all angels of the Heavens to hear my plea: Give me strength.
All fellow bloggers, feel free to tell me and remind me why I shouldn’t reply to the narcissist, if you want to. Any and all reinforcements are welcome, at this point. I know in my brain, that I can not reply… but then my heart, that treacherous thing, is whispering: “What if he really does miss you….what if it would be different, this time…”.
Both you and I know, it wouldn’t be “different”. It will never be different, with that person. He is a narcissist, and thus, will never change. I know. I know. But my heart…my heart…. 💔