I just wanted to write down my dream from the night after this latest “hoover”, before the dream fades away.. I’ll use narcissist’s old alias, that some of you recognize. For some of you who are interested in dreams, you may like the interpretations that come at the end. (From Dream Moods). The dream:

I went to Hero’s place, to try to talk, once again. There were other people there. From Hero’s desk, I picked up two or three sheets of paper, held together by a paper clip. The documents contained a list. There were headlines, and some facts, under each headline. Like, how you categorize products for a company. I looked closer, and saw they were women’s names. And facts about each woman. I was disgusted and said so out loud. Then, one of the people at the apartment, probably a male friend of Hero’s, said: “Well, you know, those are friends, it’s nothing, really”.

Hero and I were apparently going away, on a cruise, out to sea. To continue talking things through. So we left his place. Upon approaching the ferry terminal, we were going to walk from the parking lot. It was quite a bit to walk, a mile or so. In the beginning, we walked alongside each other. Suddenly, I stopped for some reason. Hero kept walking. I could see him getting smaller in the distance. He didn’t stop to see if I was coming, or not. This made me start crying, silent tears. I hurried along and caught up to him. Before entering the ship, we saw some people that Hero knew, (relatives/parents?). I remember wiping away my tears, so they wouldn’t notice them.


Inside our cabin I tried to talk to him. I asked about the “catalogued women”. He said it wasn’t anything, really. He mumbled something about how he hadn’t been able to get a hold of me, so he “had to have some company”.

I remember there was something strange about the cabin. The colors and the light were “off”, somehow. It was surreal, the lighting in there was in frosty, turquoise colors, mixed with black. (Sort of like inside a glacier cave.) Suddenly I saw that Hero had make-up on his face. It seemed to be women’s make-up, but when I looked closer, it could also be the sort of make-up that you use in the theater, thick and unnatural, seen up-close. Inside the walls of the room, almost as if in another dimension, it seemed like my brother sat there. He was quiet though, and I’m not sure he was really there.

We were going out of the cabin when I saw my mother in the corridor outside. I quickly shut the door. She knocked on the door, asking if this was her cabin. I panicked. How was it that she was on the same cruise as us?! I made my voice into someone else’s, making it dark and deep, and said: “No, sorry”. She went away. We continued talking in the cabin, but it wasn’t possible to get any answers from Hero and I felt despair.

There was another abrupt bang on the door and this time I had to open. My mother was there, looking at me with her “angry look”, as if to say “What are you doing here!” I defiantly said: “This is none of your business!”

After that I don’t remember, or I woke up. Nothing was resolved with Hero. (Surprise, right!).


Meaning of the dream symbols: 

A terminal: represents relationships and situations that you are leaving behind. It signifies a transitional phase where you are approaching a new direction in life.

A Cruise: represents some emotional journey that you are going through.

Cabin (on a ship) indicates you are seeking some refuge from your emotions.

The colors of the cabin:  Turquoise: To see turquoise in your dream symbolizes luck, success and fortune. The turquoise possesses healing energy… Alternatively, the dream indicates an evil or negative force that you are trying to ward off.

Black light: means you are not seeing things that are happening around you. You are turning a blind eye and refusing to see the truth. Alternatively, dreaming of black light represents your intuition.

The sea: represents your subconscious and the transition between your subconscious and conscious. As with all water symbols, it also represents your emotions. Alternatively, the dream indicates a need to reassure yourself or someone else. It brings about hope, a new perspective and a positive outlook on life no matter how difficult your current problems may be.

Mother: represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. To dream that you are having a conversation with your mother denotes a matter that has preoccupied your mind and you are not sure how to deal with it in your waking life.


I’m sorry that I’ll be behind on reading your blogs/comments, friends! I have major deadlines at work. Will get back to you soon. It means the world to me, all the support I’ve gotten from all of you! 💜

No Contact With Narcissist: Day 22

💜 Word of the Day: Perseverance 💜