Inspiration/test/soulsearching-time! If you have a few minutes to spare, scribble down “yes” or “no” on a note, for each question here, and see how many “yes” and “no”-answers you get, out of the 14 quick questions. Let it serve you, like a small, old, wrinkled doctor, wearing Coke-bottle glasses, checking the health of your current/previous relationship! Doc’s diagnosis will be at the end of the test!
- Do you feel that your relationship mostly adds to your life? (Happiness, peacefulness).
- Is your partner always honest/their actions match their words? (2.1: If they ever lied to you, did they work hard to show you they will never do that again?).
- Do you feel that your partner sees your needs as equally important as their own?
- Has your partner always been faithful to you? (4.1: If not: have they done everything you asked of them, to help rebuild your trust?)
- Does your partner value/respect your time as much as their own? (Ie generally on time when meeting you, not delaying their answer on matters that are important to you).
- Does your partner treat you with respect? (Ie generally talking in a respectful tone, listening, taking what you say seriously).
- Does your partner frequently show you tenderness, physically and emotionally?
- Does your partner regularly show you that they desire you?
- Does your partner treat you as well as your best friend would treat you? (If you were hypothetically in a romantic relationship with your best friend).
- Do you feel completely safe, and “grounded” with your partner?
- If your partner seriously hurts you in some way, do they show genuine accountability and remorse? (A good example is: Do they ask what you need for them to do, to help heal your pain? And follow through on that?)
- Do you feel the “we”-feeling? (That you’re a team/both of you are making equal efforts in making things work).
- (If you’ve dated for a while): Is your partner making it clear “where you stand” and what their intentions are for the future? Or: (If you’ve been together for a long time): Do you feel your partner is still fully committed to your relationship?
- In your heart of hearts, do you know that your partner sees you as “the best thing since sliced bread”?
If you answered “No” to a majority of the questions, your relationship is probably a bit rocky at best, unhealthy at worst. You need to think about why that is.
If you answered “No” to an overwhelming majority of the questions, Relationship Doc says your relationship could have gotten real ill with old age, at best. Or it could be a permanently destructive/narcissistic relationship, at worst. Doc’s orders: You need to really consider: is it good for your health to stay in this relationship?
If you answered “Yes” to a majority/overwhelming majority of the questions: Congrats, Relationship Doc gives your relationship a clean bill of health!
I made this list because I’ve read many blogs about current/past destructive relationships. I wanted to remind us of what we truly deserve. (The questions are mostly about your partner, but you could use the questions to be about you instead, to figure out how you feel about them/treat them too, of course).
This is not scientifically correct or anything, simply came from my experiences, of both healthy and destructive relationships. Especially if we have been in an abusive relationship, we can use a little compass for future relationships, to remind ourselves of what is healthy for us, and what is not.
❤❤❤ Love/SurvivedNarc ❤❤❤