Warning: A bit of profanity and generally an Unworthy Blog Post for a wannabe writer..) Ok, now that that’s settled: how the hell did I get here?
I’ve been talking to Bad boy. (If you don’t know him: Bad Boy… ) The conversation moved away from the dating site quickly. Don’t worry, I didn’t give out my number to a complete stranger. (I’m not that desperate. Yet). We talked on a cel phone chat app. So I got a little more info than “He is absurdly good-looking”. I know where he’s from, his occupation, and that he can be funny and sweet when chatting. I also know some weird stuff, that makes me think I need to take a step back, disentangle myself from this strange situation.
What is this strange situation? Well, we chatted for two days in a row, quite a lot, maybe 5-6 hours in total. He made many cute comments about how he would like to join me on an upcoming trip and how it “felt really different, chatting with me”. He said he could feel I was “different”. “Easy to talk to”. And he thought I was so sweet, a really nice person. (Lap up that honeyed milk, kitty! 🙂 And then after all this chatting, he wrote that he was ready to get off the dating site, and only communicate with me, from now on. Asking me to do the same. I know! I thought the same: Red flag waving in my face! Perplexed, stunned, I sort of agreed to get to know him “exclusively”. (Yes, I had a bit of chat-infatuation at the time….*let your eyes roll*)
But bear with me. I now know a lot about his culture, from reading a bit more about it. In his culture (he’s originally from another country and culture), it is considered “good”, “caring” and “serious”, to show this kind of “possessive” trait, early on. It simply means that you really, really like a person. And in his culture, they don’t see anything wrong with the “early commitment” sort of thing. All good and dandy, right. Doesn’t have to mean he is a crazy old narcissist, then, who is love bombing and pushing for early commitment cause of his “narc-ness”.. (That term I believe is now copyrighted by me! 😉
So, what my plan was: Give him two – three days. Scratch the surface. I was fine with giving him a few days of being “exclusive”…. But then… Yesterday, I only got one message real late at night, 11 p.m. Sure, he wanted to talk then, etc. But I was too tired. Then I sent him a message in the morning saying just that. He replied in a short but sweet manner, smilies, rainbows and unicorns and God knows what. I simply replied something nice in return. And now, later today, (about 8 pm. here) I haven’t heard anything else from him….
So. I regret signing this bullshit cyber monogamy contract, and I’m about to rip it up. I feel a bit awkward doing that, since he seemed so genuinely happy that I wanted to focus on getting to know only him, etc. And he has got his cultural thing… But you know what? I have MY cultural thing. Yeah. It’s called the SurvivedNarc Culture. It’s a real small sub-culture, to be honest. Protected minority. But it deserves the same standing as any other way of life. And I sort of dishonored my culture, to honor his. And that’s not the way of my culture. It is all about looking out for me, what I need, going into dating.
(I could handle being exclusive rather quickly. But only after meeting someone in person, and feeling a true connection).
So, I have to “break up” with my “cyber boyfriend”. I never in a million years imagined saying those words, in a sentence like that. I can still talk to him, etc. (Although I doubt he will want to, after I log onto the dating site and talk to other guys aswell..) But, I need to be free. And that’s what I’m about to tell him, just now.
The question is: How do I tell him? Awkward moment coming up….
In other fucked up news: My blocking app stats: Blocked texts: Wednesday: 1, Thursday: 1, Friday: 1. (3, in 3 days). What the hell is wrong with these hoovering narcissists? How long does it take before they stop hoovering??
Of course I googled that very question. In one article, I got the uplifting answer: “You can expect the narcissist to hoover “on and off” for the next ten years“. So that’s it, fellow blogger friends, you’re stuck with me and the “SurvivedNarc” blog, for the next ten years! After five years, I might rename it though, to “HooveredByNarcForFiveYears – Help!”.