Long and strange post here… Last couple of days, things have been sort of chaotic. But I don’t really wanna get into that. It seems there has been too much darkness in my life, for too long. So I don’t want that to spill into this post. This is a sunny and happy post. For once! I still have to process/express that darkness though… I may pour it into a poem perhaps, later on.
Onto the topic of this post. Yes, I have a date! Now, the way this came to pass, is much too complicated to explain in great detail. And in explaining, I would have to touch too much upon the previously mentioned darkness. Suffice it to say, that I met this person, this man, a couple of days ago, in a completely random bar, where I had entered only for a few minutes on my way elsewhere. I was in a state of despair, due to other things happening. Nevermind that now, now I’ll talk about the meeting.
I was sitting at a table, trying to collect my thoughts, when suddenly this man sat down across from me. He seemed to be around my age, give or take a few years. He had a sympathetic face, in fact, a very friendly face. And I could really use a friendly face, right about that time. But, you know how it is, when you feel a bunch of tragic feelings. You’re not really “open” to friendly people. It’s like there’s a glass wall between you and them, somehow. Anyway, this stranger hit really hard on that glass wall, which made cracks in it. I decided to have a conversation with him, what harm could it really do?
So, I learned that he works within the field of psychiatric care, he’s like an assistant nurse or something like that. (“Nurturing” profession, that can’t be bad, right?) He’s also not from around here. That is, not from the Big City, but originally from a Small Town. (And perhaps you now know my weakness for Small Town Men? 😉 ) That’s a good thing indeed! Cause you see, here in the Big City, it’s really hard to connect with people/men. It’s a pretty harsh, superficial and “casual” scene, when it comes to dating in a Big City. I believe this is not just here, but could be relevant in other Big Cities around the world aswell… But I digress.
The strangest thing about meeting this man, was that he seemed absolutely smitten with me(!) Now, after the narcissistic relationship, I don’t really have that much self-confidence, so this was most unexpected and had me wondering about his motives… But it “seemed” genuine. Since he was so interested, and had a kind face, I even forgave him for using the phrase: What is a lovely girl like you, doing in a place like this? I actually thought it was kind of funny, the way he said it.
I liked his name. His first name was good, strong, solid. And his last name was sort of poetic. Now, I know this is a very strange thing to say, but I always notice guys’ last names. Cause after all, you never know if you’ll some day have that name as your own! Of course it’s a detail that doesn’t really matter, but, it’s no disadvantage if the person you meet has a lovely name now, is it? And this man does, anyway.
He gave me his number. He said he would love to go out with me. Since he’s a man (prejudice coming up), he asked if I wanted to go home with him. I’ll forgive him for that one, too. Almost all men try that one, to get you to go home with them as soon as possible. So I don’t hold that against him. I just laughed it off and politely declined. He said he understood and didn’t seem annoyed at all.
So today, I gathered what little courage I have left, and sent him a text. Now, you all know how passive I’ve been on the dating site, right? I believe that is because I’ve had such a hard time facing the possible rejection, if reaching out to men. This must stem from the 4 years with a narcissist, which felt like one long and complete rejection of my heart and soul… I guess the reason why I dared to text this man, was because he had shown such clear interest already. I think this is how I have to meet someone. In reality. I’m no good on dating sites. My charm (if I have some), doesn’t shine through there…
I was still a bit nervous. What if he wouldn’t reply? Then I told myself, if he doesn’t reply, so what. I’ve got nothing to lose, at this point. I’ve been wanting to date someone new for so long, and nothing has been happening. I have to try, at least. If he doesn’t reply, I’ll just move on.
After about an hour, my phone rang. It was him! He said he was with friends in his car, coming home from a short road trip. We talked about setting up a date. I had suggested a day for next weekend. He said he was scheduled to work then, but that he would try to take the day off, to be able to spend it with me. He asked what I would like to do and I said that we could just do the “classic thing”, dinner and a movie. He said that sounded great and he would love that. He also managed to show his eagerness, by sneaking in: “You wouldn’t want to just… go for a coffee, later today?” I said I was busy with a lot of stuff, and that I’d rather have a proper, long date, to be able to talk and really get to know one another. He said he understood, and he thought that sounded terrific.
From our conversation, I learned a few things, all really good, for me. 1) He does not use lazy communication (commonly used by narcissists and other emotionally unavailable people). Ie, he called instead of texting, and it didn’t take him like eight, or more hours, to reply. He got back to me within the hour, and I really appreciate that. (No game playing here, it seems!) 2) Also, he doesn’t hide his interest at all. He’s even willing to take a day off from work, to see me? It’s like: Wow! I haven’t heard of anyone doing that, ever? Is this guy for real? Anyway, that made me really happy, and gave me a warm feeling inside.
So, I don’t know where any of this will lead. But apparently, I have a date next weekend! With someone who seems sweet, and who is clearly interested in me. Isn’t it funny how life turns on a dime, sometimes?