01e34630ad842bb50ceb8360389c705a

The other day I told you about The Birth of A Dragon, in a poem of mine. Fire engulfed everything, eventually: me, him, and all of our love. Or, should I say my love. There was never any love from his side. Only a wish to kill my spirit, completely. Recently, I have found myself thinking that: he has done it, he has succeeded. There’s been some more events, which have made me feel in some moments, that I’ve hit the infamous “rock bottom”. I won’t go into that now, but I just wanted to offer a bit of context for this post.

The good thing is, from rock bottom, you have only one way to go, really, upwards… So, that is what I will attempt, again. Climbing, struggling, short of breath, but never giving up. Another good thing is, my new phone with blocking apps will arrive any day now. They have charged my bank account for the delivery, so it should arrive any day this coming week. It can seem odd, that such a little thing can provide relief, yet for me, I think it will help immensely.

I promised to tell you one day, about all that was lost within me, after the narcissist. Some things that perhaps can be rebuilt, others which I’ve no idea if I can ever recover. I fear some things may be lost forever.

This list is borrowed from another blogger (PhoenixRising). I read this a long time ago, but was never able to forget it. It hit me right in the heart and filled my eyes with tears. That blogger apparently also struggled, years after a narcissist, to recover these aspects, traits and feelings which were lost. It’s as if I could have written this myself!

I think listed like this, it really shows how broken a person can truly become, after being with a narcissist for any extended period of time. After years with a narcissist, they have had so much time to subtly ruin and destroy so many parts of you… The impact of the psychological abuse that happens over time, is often underestimated. That is yet another reason why I keep on with the blogging about narcissism. I think a lot of people greatly underestimate the very real damage that could be done to their psyches and souls, if they stay with a narcissist/suspected narcissist. It’s just not worth the risk.
Here goes:

What I Lost

Self Esteem 

Faith in Life

Sense of Direction

Hope for the Future

Belief in Love

Belief in my worthiness

Belief in my dreams

Faith in my Intuition

Faith in myself

Ability to Trust Intimately

Sense of Worth

Beauty

Youth

Health Physique

Sense of Personal Power

Belief that I was special

Belief in my Sexuality

Faith in following my heart

Sobriety

Peace of Mind.

Belief in soul mates

The magical feeling that my life had come full circle

Belief in sexual partnership/sexual union between two people as being meaningful

Sense of self

Feelings of magic and wonder in the world

Sense of having my feet solidly on the ground

Faith in myself to make the right decisions

04908e0d4ef7689b3b0612b65c459ff5

Let us hope for regrowth after the fire!

Wow. This turned out to be a heavy and dark post, again… Sorry about this. I will hope for lighter and more joyful posts coming soon again. (I did post some pretty nice photos earlier this morning though, so feel free to look at those, here: Archipelago Photos Part 2 if you haven’t already. They’re full of beauty and serenity, not darkness, well in my eyes at least). 🙂

I do feel better, lighter, now that I’ve cleansed all these sad thoughts for today. Take care of yourselves out there! Thanks for reading and for all your wonderful comments. Love/Survived