“It’s a shame you’re not here”. Those were his words when he contacted me. Again. TOWNSNBS = The One Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken. (You may want to read Dreams, Sex, And A Lost Cause, before this post). Now, that’s a very profound message he sent, wouldn’t you say? You can really feel his intentions to make a mends and be accountable, right?
No. I know. There’s nothing profound or loving about it. More like: “lonely, just now”. (Sent late, Saturday night….) Perhaps he was too exhausted to chase all his online girls. Who knows.
At first, I actually shrugged. I had already experienced something much worse the same day….that vivid dream. But then.. it started creeping under my skin: How did that message get through? How will he escalate his “hoovering”, if I don’t respond? (And: Please, not the love letters again, I thought, panicky mode).
How on Earth did his text get through my blocking? The only explanation: because of my stupidity/lack of tech savvy-ness (no such word, is there). Mixed with his “I’m tech savvy and I’m gonna hoover you forever” -attitude.
Explanation: I played around with my phone. Having him already on “blocked list”, I was checking other functions of the app. One was: “Spam auto-blocking”. ??… email spam? I never receive those.. So, a bit afraid the app would block my emails, I hesitantly deactivated this spam-begone-thingie. A few hours later, his stupid text got through.
After research (online) I learned you can apparently send texts by email. This bypasses most blocking apps! (If “spam begone” isn’t on). Researching more, I understood: that’s what many stalkers use, as it’s hard for the targets to understand how it’s done. (Creepy!)
So; He knew he’s blocked, found a way around it. Until I figured it out, and fixed that crack in my defenses. Wow. He’s much more crafty/sneaky than I’ve ever given him credit for! “How did he ever come up with that?”, was my first thought.
The second thought was worse: “He will Simply.Never.Stop.” If it’s that important to him, to get messages through, so he’ll even work to bypass blocking, then… there will probably be more. (Just not the love letters/fake promises, please….They screwed with my head big time, before)!
This all created some anxiety within me. Fear of the old escalations… (“I do love you, I’ll change, let’s have a child together, get a house together“, blah blah, emotional torture, blah!)
I’ve mostly calmed down since then (the joy at the thought of My New Family Member helped). Still. I resent TOWNSNBS, for not giving me the peace I need, to heal. I want to scream at him to “leave me the fuck alone!”, but that would of course delight him, getting that juicy
emotional response narc supply.
*A creepy (creepier) thing: I knew he’d contact me that day. Right after the vivid dream. Don’t ask me how; I couldn’t say. Perhaps it’s in the realm of premonitions and bad omens…
*The best thing: I haven’t replied! Working harder than ever on No Contact. (Yay)!
I’ve outsmarted him for the moment and he doesn’t even know it! (Evil grin). There is some strength inside, stirring again. Defy this tormentor, it whispers.
Who knows, perhaps I’m further along than I’ve known, on my road to escape this nightmare?
Edit: While burning the midnight oil, working Sunday night, I wanted to check if I was right that “there would be more”. Yep. There’s already more. You see, the app makes a list: “how many blocked texts”. And there was one new text that had been blocked.
Seems like he might not give up, for a while….
I love that I can only see if he’s tried contacting me, but not read the texts. (Only words could make me crumble, I’m in no “danger” just by knowing he’s tried). It’s really helpful to know how many times he’s tried. That should help me roughly estimate when the dreaded, emotionally deadly letters, could arrive…and mentally prepare for it.
But for now: (To Narc) You might have been sneaky enough to get past the Guards@The Gate, pal, but they caught you, and threw you back outside the fortress walls again!
💜 Love/Survived 💜