I’ve been in some quite dark places recently and I didn’t like them. Not one bit. I don’t feel the need to delve deeper into what those places were, right this moment, cause I feel like I’ve already dived to the bottom… Suffice it to say; I felt the lack of oxygen and the pressure down there, the lack of light from being so far down below the surface…. And I just needed to find a way to swim back up again. I needed something to change. Something positive to happen.
So, I’ve taken a small step, pressed my foot against the bottom, and pushed upwards. I need a breath of life; to find a more social life, to reconnect with, well – life, again. What I’ve done is a tiny step, but still feels positive. Like the beginning of something. Or at least a possibility. And it did take a bit of courage, brought me out of my comfort zone…
I registered to a couple sites for meeting new people. And no, not what you might think. Not a dating site… No, there are other kinds of sites for meeting new people, organizing social events and the like. I have no idea what will come of it, but I’ve already had a few replies from people who seem friendly and are up for doing some social activities in the summer.
And the weirdest thing of all is – they don’t seem weird at all! They seem like me, pretty “normal” people, who lost some friends to the sometimes friend-alienating land that Marriage/Family life can be. I don’t mean that everyone who gets a partner and children, completely abandons their friends, but sadly, quite many people do, as I’ve seen often over the years.
So, who knows what this step forward will result in. Perhaps nothing. Perhaps some great times with like-minded people, this summer. Perhaps even some new friends. The most important thing is, it feels like I am doing something, instead of just accepting the sad and lonely status quo.
And that feels great, actually! There’s still some life left in this one! I’ll be damned if I let such a thing as normal, boring, predictable, everyday “loneliness” do me in, after surviving the nightmare of a narcissistic relationship! (Sorry narc, you didn’t manage to kill me entirely! I know that’s one of your deepest regrets). Nope. Still here, still trying to survive. And possibly more than survive….. I want to try to live again.
Never give up! And take care out there.