Escher, Relativity

So, the first real dilemma has reared its ugly head, about this whole new idea for having my own company. I have one new client who has offered me a job for a good few months to come. Then I have another, “potential” client, whom I will speak with very shortly. So? What’s the problem, you might say. Well, I will list a short pros and cons, and you will see what I mean…

I will call them A and B. A wants me to come work for them, for sure, for the next few months. Pros: A secure income, always good for a newly started company, right! It would give me a solid start, a happy client that I might return to some time again in the future, etc. It will also please company X (The company I am still an employee of). Cause the whole billing would go through company X, so they get a big share of my income from A. This would also ensure that X (a BIG company), will keep supplying me with other jobs, since they are well connected. Cons, then? Well, I would rather go with B, personally, because I know them from a long time back. Also, if I go with A, a lot of the money I earn falls away into X’s pockets. We never like that, do we?

Pros if I go with B are already mentioned, then. The cons would be: I risk pissing off A, so that they are less likely to hire me for new jobs, in the future. (Then I would have to look much harder myself, to find new work again).

Now, we are not talking pocket change, that would fall into X’s pockets, (if I go with A, through X), we are talking substantial amounts… so that is something well worth considering. That extra money with B would also be good for me, cause I do need to start putting some money aside for a rainy day, if I some day find myself in between jobs…

So, it is basically a choice between picking the safe road, with much, much less profit, vs. picking the risky road, (carved out along a mountainside, ha!) but where the profit is much, much higher. (At least for the next few months, the time after that would be a big question mark, with lots of unforeseen factors I’m sure, as always, with the future).

I haven’t asked B yet, but I am pretty sure they are in need of staff, they have been constantly, for the past 7 years or so…

So, now I have no f*cking clue what to do…. I knew it would be hard going my own road, but I didn’t think it would become this hard, this fast. (I haven’t even registered the company yet, for crying out loud, ha ha!) I think I had a dreamy picture behind rose-colored glasses, and now reality comes back in and says: Hello, you didn’t think you could escape old, tiresome me, did you?!

I’m leaning more towards B, as you may have noticed. Mostly because of the money, but also because I know some people there, it is more familiar. I would like familiar, right now, when everything else is confusing… Also, I think I could deal with them to get some other good working conditions, except the money…  Also, choosing B would be more risky yes, but hey, isn’t that why I started down this road in the first place, starting my own company and so on? It was to make more money sure, but it must also have been to try my own wings a bit more, I guess….  so yes, B would be more in line with my thinking lately….

I guess I’m just scared that if it doesn’t work out after B, if I can’t manage to get new clients, or if X gets pissed off and decides to not give me new clients, etc. If, if, if, IF is hacking my brain into pieces, I tell ya!

I’m lost. 

And I have 24-48 hours to decide….  

Also, as a side note, this makes me feel rather lonely, simply because I don’t really have anyone in the everyday life to discuss these matters with. Well, I am meeting an old friend tomorrow. (I’ll call her Y, since I started with this nonsense with letters). I will ask Y of course, what she thinks. I really do need someone to bounce these thoughts around with….

Safe, boring road, “macaroni and cheese”, or risky road with “oysters and champagne” at least once in a while? What would you do?

Love/Survived, lost in the labyrinth of choices

(Sorry I haven’t had time to catch up with blogs, will try and do so in the coming weekend, at least. Hugs to all of you).