Raise your champagne glass and let’s have a toast! I have terrifying news. Good, terrifying news. Things are happening at the speed of light, right now. I am truly moving into unknown territory and I have a newfound understanding for what astronauts and other explorers must be feeling, in their journeys. I have landed my first client, as my own company!!! (I went with my gut, and went with client “B”, and ignored getting a middle man (my old employer, X), and also will say no to A, because I simply don’t feel they’d care enough about me, if I’d be working there).

This all feels truly amazing, and honestly feels like a real accomplishment for someone like me, who grew up fostered in the spirit that “You have to study, and get a job SOMEWHERE”. There was never any doubt; you had to work for someone ELSE. (Someone who would basically dictate when you’re supposed to get up in the morning).

Now, I’m, not saying I can suddenly jet-set around the world, hang out in the French Riviera and only work once in a while, etc. No, no. I will still work hard. Probably, the first year, I will actually have to work harder than ever before; building up working relationships with old and new contacts, etc. BUT. I am my OWN person, now. I don’t “have to” come in at 8.00 EVERY day, if I don’t want to. I can ask the client if it’s ok if I work from home, one day a week. Or if I can come in at 9 one day. Etc, etc. You get the picture. I AM THE BOSS! Ha ha. I still have to adapt to the clients as a general rule, of course, so they wanna keep hiring me.

Still, it was an amazing rush of, I don’t know, pick any hormone you like, (adrenaline?) to feel: “Yes, I’m on my way, I’m going somewhere”! I’m not just accepting being that ordinary “office slave”, but instead opening up possibilities for the future.

Because of this, I want to share this energetic song in a video. And although it is sort of about romantic love, this is directed at myself: “I wanna know now; will you love me again”? I am truly impressed by myself right now, but does that mean I can love myself again or will I hang on to my 100 flaws, mistakes, and darkness, and still hate myself? With this song/vid, I want to remind myself, aswell as all of you, that we have to try and love ourselves, no matter how “dark” or “flawed” we are. We all have something good, within us…

For the first time in a very long time, I can say that I’m proud of myself. I have done something that, for being ME, is incredibly brave. And I have pulled off the first trembling steps. I have no idea how I had the courage to say that “I quit” (my job), because I am gonna be my own boss, and get my own clients. Even with a good market, that is always a risky move. (But hey, now that I know from a few of you, my bloggies, that there are a few couches out there that I could sleep on, if things really go south, I am even more filled with self-confidence! Ha! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for supporting me emotionally through all this).

Ok, so what is this headline all about? Into the unknown? Champagne? Kafka? What the hell, right? I’ll give you a quick breakdown of the headline:

Into the unknown: I am completely and utterly moving into the unknown. I have always, always, always, grown up in a society and surroundings that taught me to be a GOOD EMPLOYEE. Nothing else. There was no talk about starting your own company, when I grew up. Now, times have changed. And so have I! Scary, but amazing, at the same time!

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Spreading my (broken) wings….

Champagne: Um, well, even with all the hundreds of taxes and pension accounts and sick leave accounts and so on and so forth, that I will have to set up and save money in…  I think… and hope..  hmm how shall I put this, so that I don’t seem cocky…. ? I gather, from all I have read and heard, that I will, probably, make a bit more money for myself, having a company of my own. Now, it won’t be enough for me to quit working completely. But it should, in the long run, enable me to actually spend a little bit of money on myself. “Livin’ the high life” is exaggerating, but yes, it should get me “a glass of champagne” (the real deal) from time to time, without eating a hole in my wallet. I am SO excited about the possibilities!! As I told you before, the ultimate goal is to be able to work less, with my income staying the same…

A toast to…   me?  Hee hee…

Kafka: Um, where do I start? Starting a company (here), is like being an astronaut in space, cut off from your spaceship, or being lost in a novel by Kafka, with a nightmarish bureaucracy in a society that seems to want to hinder you in every way, from starting your own company. Oh, you need to register this, but then you need “form AE213ExV”. But you can only get that form of course, if you have filled out these other 20 forms before”. Exaggeration, but you get my meaning…

And they (“They” is always the evil government, haha!) “They” want me to already be able to state exactly how much I’ll make, and how much taxes I’ll pay. Even before I have even started working with my own company, and billing anybody! Gee, they really do NOT want me to be able to start a company in any easy fashion at all, do they. No, they don’t. It is not meant for people like me, from a working class background.

Basically, I have to have an education in finances and our whole tax system, to fill out these crazy forms! Ha! I will defy this and just fill out the forms as best I can, and send it in. And then I will book a meeting with an accountant later this month and have him correct any mistakes I may have made. I just need the bloody document, NOW! The one that shows I have registered my own company for taxes etc. Otherwise, I can not make a deal in writing with my first client, and it could all go to shit because of a…. formality? LOL.

I say one thing to all of this Kafkaesque bureaucracy: Eat me! If a bona fide narcissist couldn’t break me completely, even after years of trying, you ain’t got a shot in hell!

Love yourself, and never settle for less than you deserve! Hugs from Survived.