I’ve been to hell, and back again. That is all that can be really said, to sum up what it is to try and “go back”, to a narcissist. Well, not even “go back”, in the traditional sense, only “resuming contact”, really.
I have now been travelling far, far down below the Earth’s surface, into the deep, dark oceans, I’ve seen what is below the Earth’s crust, and let me tell you. It’s not pretty. In fact, it is the worst place I’ve ever been, in this lifetime.

If you wanna follow me down into the rabbit hole, once again, you are more than welcome. If you do
not possess the strength to go there again, I do not blame you. Not one bit. It’s inhumane, it’s torture,
it’s the extreme highs and lows of being human, it is the dark corners of the soul that no human should never,
ever have to visit.

0heavenandhell

But, if you want to go down the Rabbit Hole of narcissism with me again, I will be here with you, every step
of the way. And, belive it or not, I survived it. Again. Miracles are not outdated, apparently.

Oh, how I have missed you all, on my paths in the dark. I have been Moses without God, I have been Frodo without Sam,
I have been the night without the promise of dawn….

The missing of the narcissist, “Hero”, has been a knife; driven into my heart, time and time again. If you have no clue how that works, you are more than welcome to watch this music video, for clues:

 

Oh, I DO blame myself for that; very, very much; fear not that I will fail to blame myself; that is the icing
on my hell mud cake, that I get to shoot myself down, every single day….

Of course, my goal, as always, is to get up from the deepest holes and dungeons of hell. I have no other
choice. I do not want pity. I have myself to blame. And my brainwashing, which I have “allowed” to take
place. Yes, friends; I believe I am now the poster child for Stockholm’s syndrome. Bear with me. Stay with me.

I love you all. Truly. My absence does not reflect on that in any way. Quite the opposite, in my mind.
I do love you all, all of my friends here. I also love myself, somewhere beneath all that filth, grief, psychological torture, and horror.

I just have to find my way back. There will be some stories I’ll have to share, that go into the dark…. I will not lie, there will be stories of passion too; moments when I believed I was in Heaven, truly. All an illusion; but is an illusion of Heaven “really that bad”, when you are walking the paths of Inferno/Mordor…?

I hope you will follow me on my path back up, towards the light? I do hope so.

Love/Survived