This morning, I was haunted. On a train, of all places. I looked up, and there she was, just a few seats away from me… The sister of the narcissist. Or, was it really her? I think I’d swear in a court of law it was her, but then again, afterwards, I am only 95% certain it was her. It *might* have been her twin sister… What definitely made me believe it was her, was that she stared intently at me, anytime she could, through the miniature gaps between the people in the overcrowded train… I doubt she would have done so, if she were just anyone else…
This was very uncomfortable for me, and I tried to look away as much as I could. But, just like the scene of an accident, you can’t really help to look, just a little. I caught myself thinking: “What will she tell him?” and “Will she turn out the same as him?” She is the “scapegoat” in their family, and he is the “golden child”, so who knows… I just know that I felt so extremely uncomfortable, seeing her. And I felt it was a cruel joke from Coincidence/Universe… I mean, I haven’t EVER run into her. Not ever, in 4 years’ time, and now suddenly she is right next to me in a train, when I am truly trying to forget about him? Gee, thanks Murphy’s Law!! And right when he is about to return from a trip abroad, so I am bound to give him some kind of thought, anyway.
I hope she doesn’t tell him. And I sure don’t hope her narcissist brother will take it as an excuse to contact me. He can stay down in hell, for all I care, like he has done the last few weeks.
His sister “haunting” me, just shows me exactly how vulnerable I still am, and that shows me all the reasons why I can not, should not, ever, be in touch with him again. I am glad it has been weeks now, when I haven’t even felt the desire to contact him.
I might have to write out some things here, soon though, a few of the memories with him… you remember the movie “The Exorcist”? Yeah. Like that. Exorcist all of the m-fucker…
Although I am all talk, all tough,,,, you know,,,,,, This song is truly great, in the sense that I wanted to give it to my best friend, before she passed, and that I think that now, she would perhaps wanna give it to me… For example, the lyrics, below, after the clip:
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet…..
No matter, I believe it to be a truly great song, and I am even proud that it is a “Swedish” song, in its writing and performance, even though it is all in English. You should really listen to it! 🙂 I am told its lyrics don’t leave many people untouched, judge for yourself…