“No Contact means being DONE. Even if you don’t feel done, it’s practicing the self-discipline of done until your heart catches up with your head. It’s realizing that no good can come from engaging”. (From chumplady.com).
I am halfway there. I have the insight. I definitely know that no good can come from engaging.
Yet, I did slip. A few times, over the last few months.
Seems my heart hadn’t caught up with my head.
Punishment for failure? Oh yes. Been there, done that. Been beating myself up so bad, that had it been physical beating, I would have been unrecognizable from all the blood, cuts and scars.
To take a beating many times over is exhausting though.
So now, I am just “practicing the self-discipline of ‘done’ “.
I must say it is a tad easier to do, stretched out on white sand, watching the unreal color of blue that is the Caribbean sea, reading a good book, relaxing…
Immersing myself in the water of the large swimming pool every morning, getting out frustrations by swimming hard and fast until exhaustion… the sun winking at me behind the palm tree… then just floating, floating, until the blue of the water and heaven merge together as one, and I can no longer feel my body, there is no weight there…
Throwing myself into the crashing waves at the beach, letting them carry me ashore again, just floating, floating, letting go, letting everything go… all that weight, hurt, pain, let it float away on this next big wave… I surrender to this ocean.
This is what it must feel like: when you have reached true No Contact – when you are aligned with it, body, mind, soul, and heart…. And I can feel myself moving towards it: