Well, fear and self-loathing, that is…
Nevermind the fear of heartbreak further down the path. I am considering pulling out of this budding sexomance* even before it begins, for a whole other, stupid reason. (*Sexomance = when you don’t know if it will be sex, romance, or both. Yes, you can use my word, if you want to, hee hee).
I know this sounds like an incredibly silly problem, but I am scared that if Mr. Wrong and I start to move from writing, over to Skype, to real life, etc, that he will SEE me. Of course he will see me. But I NEEEEED to lose some weight first! Have put on way too much this last year or so. He has seen pictures of me, but they don’t really show all that “extra baggage”, properly…. you know?
It really is a shame, if I have to pull away from this sexomance, cause of this! Cause right now, on the INSIDE, I am feeling like the people in this video:
That was pretty hot, right? You wouldn’t want to miss out on a sexomance of that caliber, would you?
Me: (Casually, jokingly) Uhm, so I guess I’m gonna have to get to the gym like A.S.A.P. you know, since you persist in being all muscles and so on…
Him: What are you talking about? You have wonderful curves and are so cute and sexy.
Me: (Leaves the topic and thinks to myself: WTF, is he blind? Oh, no, that’s right, he hasn’t really SEEN me yet. *Panics*. Considers dropping the whole wonderful sexomance. Wants to cry because I neglected the gym for so long).
Fear and self-loathing, yes, welcome back, you two, old familiar friends…
Early on we “booked” a first Skype conversation tomorrow (Friday), the first day when I am back home and have proper wifi. In this Skype conversation we are also supposed to plan a weekend together soon. (It will be a full weekend probably, since he lives way up North).
Readers: Would you run away, until you are fit “enough”, or would you screw that, and take the risk of rejection from the other person, when they get a closer look at you?