Mr. Wrong is hereby renamed Absurd A*sclown. He took a bow and ran away with an as*clown circus, I suppose… It was so sudden though, really came out of left field – BAM!
Just the other night, AA (formerly Mr. Wrong), was swooning over how wonderful it would be to finally see me, he discussed whether it would be best if I came there or he came here, etc. I on the other hand never initiated on such topics. I finally caved this morning when he had asked if I would consider coming to him this weekend, since there are way more tickets available from my town. I said yes.
When I asked more specifically about the tickets, he suddenly “had to work” and we would talk about it later. (He had already wanted to “schedule” a Skype session for later the same evening, even though we talked most of the night yesterday).
He texted again later and said he found only extremely expensive tickets and that was such a bummer. I helped him search online, since he never travels, and found much cheaper tickets. But, since everything had suddenly turned into such a huge mountain to climb (that was the feeling in his texts, like all sad smileys and s*it), I added: Well, you know, you don’t “have to” come, it’s up to you. (Smiley).
Immediately, he texted some nervous BS: “What do you mean, ‘I don’t have to come’? Of course I want to see you! Do you think this is a bad idea?”. I calmed him down and said I only meant if it seemed too much trouble, there was no pressure. Also, I reminded him that I’d already told him this morning it would be great seeing him, and that I meant it, of course.
BAM. His ensuing text was so horrible, simply because it was so out of the blue. I mean the night before, he had behaved like a man in love! Yes, a man in love, I tell you. He talked about how he couldn’t sleep thinking about me, how he had imagined meeting someone just like me, to build on, to live together with… and how he wanted to fall asleep holding me tenderly, etc etc. (And the incredibly hot “normal for us” sexting, of course. What was extra sad about all this is, from his hot talk, I could tell we would have been an extremely good match, sexually. He brought up things I had never mentioned, some of my deepest fantasies, without me ever telling him what those were. It was like he was ME, sexually, but male version!)
So the horrible text, I read it at work, it was awful reading it with people around me. It was some s*it that really felt like something a person writes in a state of panic! It was about “how would this all play out, we’ll click and we want a serious relationship, but then we can not see each other as much as we want to, in the beginning of our relationship”. It went on some more about “it would take time for him to move here, to find a new job”, and also “what about kids, we are different ages, and he might want to wait, and I might want them very soon”.
This was like a “Text Tsunami”, ie a lengthy text. And the contrast from yesterday was so extreme, that I actually got a couple of small tears in my eyes. It was just this tiny… stab wound, you know? Like a needle, right in your heart. I would have expected him to perhaps hesitate at some point, but this, I didn’t expect. Not after how much he had talked about going crazy not being able to see me. Not after how he had claimed we would beat the distance between us. Not after him gushing about my beautiful voice and how he couldn’t wait to hear it on Skype again. Not after him admitting he had been surprised to find himself developing some feelings for me. Etc, etc.
He ended the Text Tsunami with another text saying he was really sorry, that this was all very hard on him, and that he liked me so, so very much, otherwise he would never have spent all this time talking with me. He even put in some “crying smileys”, for f*ck’s sake. I know, kids today, right…
I was so dumbfounded that I just wrote: “Ok. I see. That’s ok. Take care.”
I immediately decided I would not spend any time being sad about this. (Cause that’s a thing you can “decide”, right…?) I noticed when I reached for my phone to delete all his texts, that we had sent 197 texts to each other in like, the past week(!). Not including the 10 days of writing messages online, before that…. That high a number of messages…., doesn’t feel exactly like someone you suddenly “ditch”, out of the blue. Seeing the number of messages stung, it did, but I quickly erased all texts, his number, and the photos of him.
That was.. a little tough, I will admit. He really did a 180, and all those things he used as “excuses”, were things he knew right from the start… that it would suddenly dawn on him after 2 weeks just isn’t believable. I’ll probably never know what was behind all of this. Perhaps fear, perhaps douchebag-ery. Now, it feels like everything he said was just a game, to him… I also choose to see him in a harsh light now, to distance myself, that’s why he is now AA, Absurd A*sclown. I allowed myself “Ok, feel sad about this today, but not longer than that”.
I have NEVER “juggled” guys before. Thank GOD I did, this time! It really saved me from too much disappointment. Ashamed as I am to admit it, I DID keep “Mr. 43” on the back burner… (Uugh, that’s what narcissists do! Although they do it in longterm relationships too, not only in the earliest stages of dating… so, I guess it doesn’t compare).
Mr. 43 had seemed kind of sweet, not pushy but always there in the background, showing a little interest now and then, which I replied to, but more in a polite way.
Well, the universe had arranged it so that just as A*sclown was sending me that Tsunami, Mr. 43 was sending me a very brave second suggestion about going to the movies! He had backed off for a while, but I guess he tried his luck one last time with me….
I immediately said yes, anything to light up the day after this.. and found it so very odd how uplifting it was to chat to mr. 43. He will never know he made my day so much brighter and parted the dark skies for me, today.
So, I have a date tomorrow!! (Wednesday). That hasn’t happened since… the ice age, … Unless mr. 43 sends a Text Tsuanami too, it’s going to be a nice distraction, some fun without expectations (from me).
Mr. 43 said he would go into town tonight and pick up the tickets. While he did, he sent me a photo of him, where he was wearing a piece of clothing I’d once said I would like to see him in… And, turns out A*sclown isn’t the only man in the world with a great smile!
Sometimes, I just can’t help but wonder about the timing of things, etc. It was sort of like the universe picked up on me sending out a vibe that “I can NOT deal with anymore sadness the INSTANT I start trying to date again… that is NOT ok”…. and for once, the universe listened, and sent me a little joy and fun, after that Text Tsunami…
I thought a lot about cancelling because I am not in shape, as you know. But Mr. 43 assured me he loves curves in women and he even joked he had long arms to reach around me, if necessary… I won’t cancel, I will go and have a nice evening.
To be continued with following up on THE DATE…..