So, of course I couldn’t shut up. The truth isn’t a good captive, and it weighed heavily on my heart, staying silent. I decided to reply.
I wasn’t hoping for anything else than the relief of saying what was in my heart. This is my reply to Mr. Wrong:
“It was a pity you didn’t give it a chance by meeting, since we seemed to have a crazy chemistry between us. If we had met, both of us would have had the opportunity to feel if it would be worth trying to solve the problem about the distance. But I respect the decision you made.
I think I will try to avoid contact with you from now on. Not to be mean, but because I was a little sad when you wrote what you wrote, a couple days ago. Cause I had begun to like you.. and it felt at first like it was mutual. But I guess I was mistaken about your feelings.
Well, anyway, be well in …..(his town). ”
This morning, I checked the dating site again. I was surprised to see a rather lengthy reply. (Lengthy to be a message on a dating site, that is). I was also VERY surprised to see the time when his message was sent: 2 AM(!). Now, he usually goes to sleep rather early, at like 10 PM, cause he works out hard, every evening.
So, I couldn’t help but making a connection to our earlier conversations, where we had both confessed we were kept up at night, with thoughts of each other…. Here is Mr. Wrong’s late night reply:
“I hadn’t really considered whether I would want to move, or not, and I feel I don’t want to leave …(his town). And if I understood you correctly, you don’t wanna move either. If I misunderstood you in that respect, I really have made a big mistake, if you would consider moving…
Yes, we had great chemistry and clicked on every level, without even meeting, so I know I would like being with you. It is the distance that messes it up, for me, I still like you just as much as before.
I understand I hurt you and I feel bad about that, I never want to hurt someone who I really like. I wrote to you because I still like you and care about you, it’s hard to let go of someone so perfect. 😢 ”
So, his reply made me feel several emotions all at once. Number one, I was kind of relieved that he took the time to write a reply with some thought behind it, that made it seem like it must have mattered to him, and that he had been thinking about it. I was also relieved to see this whole thing, this crazy attraction, hadn’t just been in my head. It seems he really did like me.
My theory that he put a stop to our meeting because he was afraid to develop real feelings, just became stronger after reading his reply. He seemed to be aware that had we met, the risk of both him and me falling for each other, would be very real. If he had been a true player, I think he would have just met for sex and nothing more. But something tells me he knew this is not how it would have played out….
His reply also made me a little angry. I kept thinking: “You f*cking coward….”
I also understand him, in some way, although I don’t want to understand, and it is more comfortable to still think that he is an a-hole and a coward. However, his reply doesn’t let me really believe that fully…
I have already written I won’t stay in touch with him, as you know. And I have no reason to reply anything more, really. If he had wanted it badly enough, he would have written that, and taken action to prove it. But he only writes it is “hard to let go”. It may be so, but hey, you still chose to let go…
It did feel so good to write my thoughts to him, in my first message, and be honest about my feelings. It was also nice to see that reply of his, since it gave me some sort of “closure”, I suppose.
I can only hope he doesn’t write me again. I have a vague gut feeling he could write me again some time, since I get the feeling his decision could come back to haunt him, at some point. If he contacts me again, I think I would be rather cold and harsh in my reaction, actually. I am not his therapist, he made his bed, etc. I would not be rude but I think I would simply say: Well you made your decision, so… (live with it, moron! implied).
I saw a movie yesterday, (Silver linings playbook) and there was a quote I really liked, and I am sending it to Mr. Wrong, not in reality, but only here, in my thoughts:
“You’ve got to pay attention to the signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this, it’s a sin if you don’t reach back, and it will haunt you the rest of your days, like a curse…”.
So long, Mr. Wrong. We could have been so right…