Ok, so I “jumped”, took a leap of faith, as you already know from my latest post. That is, I booked a flight to Mr. Wrong for next weekend.

And now I have such anxiety that it’s not even funny. I have a constant knot in the pit of my stomach. I am seriously going through every potential catastrophic scenario in my head… and they are:

  1. He will hate my overweight. (Hey, I hate it so why wouldn’t he).
  2. We won’t have any chemistry in real life and it will be the worst weekend of my life.
  3. He will cancel the whole thing. (This is based on his communication pattern, which is quite different from mine. Sometimes when we text each other for a while, he can just simply stop texting back, without saying “Ok, I gotta go, talk later”, or anything like that. He did that today, after we had been texting for a while. He has done this several times before though, so it shouldn’t mean anything, but of course, now I am convinced it means he is going to cancel this stupid trip).
  4. I will fall in love with him but it will not be reciprocated. I will feel silly and stupid.
  5. We will both fall in love, but no one will want to move to the other.
  6. He is a crazy axe murderer.
  7. He is another narcissist(!) like my ex.

I should obviously cancel the trip, according to that little terrified voice inside… But I guess I won’t cancel, since that would be completely nuts.

It’s not fun being me, right now, I tell ya!