Ok, so I “jumped”, took a leap of faith, as you already know from my latest post. That is, I booked a flight to Mr. Wrong for next weekend.
And now I have such anxiety that it’s not even funny. I have a constant knot in the pit of my stomach. I am seriously going through every potential catastrophic scenario in my head… and they are:
- He will hate my overweight. (Hey, I hate it so why wouldn’t he).
- We won’t have any chemistry in real life and it will be the worst weekend of my life.
- He will cancel the whole thing. (This is based on his communication pattern, which is quite different from mine. Sometimes when we text each other for a while, he can just simply stop texting back, without saying “Ok, I gotta go, talk later”, or anything like that. He did that today, after we had been texting for a while. He has done this several times before though, so it shouldn’t mean anything, but of course, now I am convinced it means he is going to cancel this stupid trip).
- I will fall in love with him but it will not be reciprocated. I will feel silly and stupid.
- We will both fall in love, but no one will want to move to the other.
- He is a crazy axe murderer.
- He is another narcissist(!) like my ex.
I should obviously cancel the trip, according to that little terrified voice inside… But I guess I won’t cancel, since that would be completely nuts.
It’s not fun being me, right now, I tell ya!