So, Mr. Wrong kept the conversation going, and I, well I… tried the “happy teflon“-method. That is what I call all the advice I found in articles online, while trying to research how to remain “cool, calm and collected”, in a situation where someone ditches you, but then comes crawling back. You know, since I haven’t dated anyone new since like, the year 1850, I don’t really know how the cool kids play, today…
So every advice, no matter if you wanted the “crawler/dumper” back, or just wanted to remain friends, or, just seem cool, every advice was: “Just be polite, friendly, seem like you are happy and a bit busy, act like what they did to you doesn’t affect you at all, and avoid the subject of the dumping, altogether”. “Happy/teflon” then, happy and everything runs off you, nothing sticks. I liked that idea. Empowering.
Hmm. could I really do that? And, how would it make me feel? My natural instinct was quite the opposite, it was to say something quite rude, and then an icy silence. But, I decided to go with this new modern “steam train”, instead of my old horse and buggy….
So, I replied to his opener, (where he talked about withdrawal symptomps from me, and where he said sorry for contacting me again/ “so hard to forget you…”), with:
“Thanks for the compliment. You take care now!”
Him: “So… you wouldn’t want to talk on Skype some day? :s “, continuing: “I would very much like to talk with you on Skype some day, or now, even. I miss hearing you…”.
Me: “Oh, I’m sure we could, no problem. 🙂 ”
Him: “Really? That is so great! It is so good to know that you don’t hate me! Everything was just going a little bit too fast for me… I would really love to keep in touch, if you’d want to”.
Me: “Why hate anyone, seems like too much work. 🙂 I am sure we could find a day to talk. Gotta sleep now though, been a busy few days. Take care until then“.
Him: “Because I’ve been so difficult/weird towards you.. :S But I will try to shape up/do better. 🙂 Yes, I reallly miss seeing you. Longing to do that… Okay, sleep well, beautiful. 😉 Hugs!
Me: Ok, sleep tight! 🙂
Oddly enough, this advice I took from various articles about being cool, calm and collected towards someone who “dumped” you, really worked. I was friendly, calm, and felt like “Oh that little dumping thing? I hadn’t even thought of that!”.
It also felt relevant as a way to behave since we weren’t an actual “couple”, but had only been talking a lot, from a dating site. It helped me downplay the importance of it all, in front of him aswell as in my own heart. It also felt good to only be friendly and cheerful, and not give any of my own heart or feelings away. In that convo I never once said I had missed him, or that I felt anything at all for him. It was all him doing the “missing” talk, and the emotional bit.
It was a relief to see that he had felt bad, that he was aware of his actions. If only to help me restore a bit of faith in men, in general…
I can remain friendly and all, but I don’t have any expectations at all, except friendly conversation, from my part. I am not letting his “miss you” talk get to me. Talk is cheap and I truly feel nothing towards those statements, right now.
If Mr. Wrong starts to try and charm me for real again, as in suggesting a date or something, I will be very wary. In that case, I will have to drop my fun and carefree stance, and take a stance for myself, protect my heart, and say that his track record doesn’t really allow me to trust him again… and then see what happens. Until then, I am fun and carefree and unaffected by this. It is liberating, in fact.
And also, since I am a fun and carefree single gal, I am thinking today is a good day to text Soldier Boy my phone number, so that he gets to have me in his little black book, too. Feels good to have several options.
I think I am growing a thicker skin… could be needed in this crazy dating age.