Ok, so I am officially juggling! Juggling MEN!

Yesterday, I had the most wonderful video conversation on Skype with mr. Wrong, where he explained himself, even got almost a bit emotional (I say almost, he is a man after all). He was so remorseful, cursed at himself for letting me go, covered his face with his hands in embarrassment, and apologized profusely for pulling back and leaving me hanging. We talked for about an hour, and he said that if I lived near him, I would already be “his” and he would be mine… he said he misses me, thinks about me all the time, can’t get me out of his head…

Yes, we talked for a long time, and I dropped my cool. I said: One more time that you ditch me like that, I can’t take it anymore. “I don’t have a heart of stone, you know…“, I said, almost whispering, cause it took all my courage and strength to be vulnerable enough to say that…

He got a very serious and remorseful look on his face and said: No, you should never have to endure such BS again. He also said he understood that if we were going to see each other, he would have to come visit me, since I so bravely already tried to visit him, that time.

His face was really tortured when he asked me to please never believe that it wasn’t because he didn’t like me that he had let go of me, the very opposite was true, he liked me TOO much…

He confessed he was afraid of the long-distance thing. I sensed a very real fear in him, when he said he was just so scared that he wouldn’t wanna let go of me, once he had met me… He said he was really trying to work up the courage to come and see me, cause he had longed for it for so long now… he also said he had no “expectations” of me at all, after how he behaved.

It was a good talk. A real good talk.

Doesn’t mean I trust him. I am miles away from trusting him.

But that’s okay, for now. Right now, this is all just a flirt, a hot thing that could dissolve into thin air at any moment. If I ever see him in real life, we’ll take it from there.

And then… I am juggling.. cause once I throw Mr. Wrong up into the air…  down through the air, towards me at great speed, comes Soldier Boy…

Soldier Boy and I have set a date. For tomorrow!

A really fast switch of focus, even for me!

Well, it’s not a date so much, as just… something cozy and possibly a bit… hot.

Soldier Boy simply said he would like to come over tomorrow, bring some food and wine…

And, we all know that is code for “I want to have sex with you again”.

That’s okay, too. I never really expected anything serious with Soldier Boy, you know, seeing as it started as a one night stand… Hell, I never even expected to see him again, at all.

Oh.. I am not a good juggler… I am like Charlotte, in “Sex and the City”, the ONE time she “juggled” dating two guys at once, of course it all went to shit, and the men found out about each other, and ended up sharing a cab downtown, away from Charlotte… haha, that is ME, in a nutshell.

I am just SO in awe of this… “this” being Life suddenly throwing two different, hot, younger men, at me, who both are very “hot” on me too, even if only for a few shivering moments…

I think that is a pretty remarkable thing, after these two years of grief and utter darkness…

Life, you really surprised me, this time. Thank you.