I am a disaster at being a femme fatale! If you read my Latest Post, you know I’m sorta “juggling” two men right now. And it is not for the faint of heart, I tell you!

Mr. Wrong came back with a bang, as you know, and I also have a date set for tonight with Soldier Boy… Or rather, he’s supposed to come over and bring some food and a bottle of wine. So, with any luck, that there in the photo for this post, could be me, later this evening…

What the hell am I whining about, then?

I feel so…torn. And guilty! Why?

Well, Mr. Wrong and I had yet another Skype conversation yesterday. (Two nights in a row, now!) While I can’t deny that Soldier Boy and I did (do?) have some mutual attraction, I don’t feel it really compares to the Fourth ouf July fireworks – complete madness – chemistry and attraction I always feel when I talk to Mr. Wrong. Seriously, it is ridiculous! I haven’t felt that with a new man since, well, since six years ago…

So, why not just keep talking to/seeing them both, what’s wrong with that? There is no commitment to anyone, at this stage at least?

Perhaps it is how I grew up… You see, in my country, unlike in the US, there hasn’t been that same kind of “dating culture”. When I grew up, and well into my late twenties, the way to date in my society was basically “serial monogamy dating”. It was almost unheard of, to date several people at the same time. People just assumed that if you started to date them, you were seeing only them, unless you told them otherwise…

It is not until the last 10 years or so (when I have mostly been in 2 relationships), when the online dating culture made its real breakthrough, that dating multiple people simultaneously, has become somewhat more accepted. I still think that, especially men, wouldn’t like at all, to hear, that the woman they are currently with, is also involved with someone else…

So forgive me. Monogamy even if it’s “early days”, is something I got with the mother’s milk!

That’s why this doesn’t sit well with me at all… especially since none of these men know anything about “the other guy”… And it feels completely ridiculous to bring it up, also, since there is no kind of clearly spoken commitment (yet).

But, I keep seeing Mr. Wrong’s face in front of me, when he talked about how he really wants to gather his courage to see me, cause thinking of me has him going crazy…

I also keep remembering how Soldier Boy seemed so very happy when he got my text, and how he instantly wanted to make plans to see each other again…

I like them both, Soldier Boy is more practical, close by, hot, “Mr. Right Now”.

Mr. Wrong – as stated, insane chemistry, butterflies, but far away, and not really a sure thing, at all.

And, that’s why I feel torn, and guilty, and like a bad person… Like I am a liar.

I hate liars.

The memories of how the narcissist had dozens of other women except me, is still sharp with pain anytime it pops up in my mind. I would never want to be that kind of person…

Now, I have been honest with Mr. Wrong as far as to say that he’d better hurry up and get his ass here if he truly has an interest in me. And he spontaneously said yesterday that he will look into the possibility of coming next weekend, cause he moves apartments this weekend.

I honestly could never have seen myself in this situation, not in a million years…

I guess things will work out for themselves, as they have a tendency to do…

Any number of scenarios could happen, to be honest. It is likely that Soldier Boy just wants to have some fun for the evening, something casual. It is just as likely that Mr. Wrong fades away in his fear of love, again. It might not have to become dramatic…

I’m still torn….