Warning: contains material of a sexual nature, only for adults (who like to read about sex/intimacy)!
So, Soldier Boy arrived at my place and my nerves were all over the (newly cleaned) house. I calmed down some when we hugged. I took a good look at him – he looked gorgeous! His muscles were even a little bigger than I remembered, and his body looked great (I don’t go for “huge” muscles, but I like a pair of good, strong arms on a lad!).
We had dinner and a glass of wine. And then the conversation was starting. And this is where I was really surprised. I said before that Soldier Boy was the strong, silent type. I didn’t know he was practically the “Strong and Mute” type… He willingly answered questions, and asked me something about my job. That was basically it. Through my questions, I learned a bit of his job, family and interests, and background. He had some difficult experiences in the past, he shared just a little bit of that.
I figured his silence might be nerves, and it might get better after a little while. I honestly hoped it would, cause I didn’t really enjoy driving and steering the conversation all the time.
What better way to solve this situation, than have sex? Right? So, that is what we did. It had been felt in our initial hug, that it was inevitable. Ok, so how should I describe the sex? It is hard, really hard to describe, actually. On the one hand, it was great. On the other hand, some things were not as great… but hey, it is basically a completely new person you’re with, so there is almost no telling what was due to the “new partner syndrome”, where you don’t have the guts to spell it out, how you want it, etc.
I think I’ll simply do a pros and cons, +/- , “sex chart”, so you’ll understand my mixed feelings about this.
+ *Did I mention his muscles were the image of perfection? I am so weak for a strong upper body in men, and boy, did he have one! *His skin was like silk, too… *He was able to keep going again, and again, and again. The man was a sex-Terminator, = a Sexminator(?)! *His excitement, being so strong, really turned me on too! *Feels like he really made an effort to do his “best” and impress me. *What he was doing felt “over-all” lovely. *Although he didn’t “cuddle” much afterwards, every time we woke up from our sleep in the night, he would pull me close and hold me, it felt real nice.
– *There seemed to be a certain inexperience in some aspects of pleasing a woman (that “finesse”). But this was also the first time we had sex “properly”, so I didn’t care too much. *There was almost no verbal feed-back at all from him, before, during or after. I know some guys are “quiet” lovers, but this together with his quiet nature outside the bed, became pretty strange… (it was apparent he was extremely attracted to me physically, it showed in his physical reactions over and over again.. it’s just nice with some WORDS. 🙂 ).
Basically, since I have been able to so “coldly” write this “grading” of him as a lover, as you guess, I am not “smitten”. But this, of course, was mostly to do with his lack of communication… When I asked him about his background, I learned a couple of interesting things that could possibly explain this… but, still it doesn’t make a difference. A person that is extremely quiet, and doesn’t really interact at all verbally, unless the other speaks first, is not viable, when dating.
We even talked about his silence.. I asked him. And he said: Yes, I know.. I have heard this from several people before. He went on to say that he is different when he is with close friends, from when he is with new people.
Still, I sometimes caught him looking at me, with a special kind of look in his eyes, which I can’t explain with words, but there was… something, in that look. Not desire… that was more apparent in his body, no, this was.. something else, a wondering, a question? A need for confirmation… I don’t know why. But those looks really burned right into me…
Those looks he cast my way sometimes, when he thought I wasn’t looking… and then, the lingering at my place this morning… He didn’t seem to wanna leave, really. He stayed in bed with me for a very long time, hours and hours, just stroking my neck/back. (Even though I hinted we would have to get going with our day.. it wasn’t until I explicitly said that I have to go out now, that he reacted). I don’t know, he is very hard to read (since he speaks so little, of his own volition).
I have also been thinking of “languages of love”, and in relation to that, I do have some thoughts: That he is a very physical being: He had made a BIG effort to look good when he met me, he also made a big effort to be “good in bed” (ok, according to “macho” standards, but still)… Perhaps he IS really trying, except I don’t understand he is trying, cause I don’t know his “language”?
When we parted at the subway station, he seemed a bit nervous, and then he gave me a very quick hug, and said goodbye in a quick way… (sort of like you do with old friends, who don’t mind if you are curt with them).
This whole “silence” thing, along with the quick goodbye, made me think that…. hmm.. I probably won’t see HIM again! And even if I do, how would we ever build something, if he refuses to TALK? Or, would he open up and start talking to me, after a few dates?
In his defence, I will say that his last relationship was with a woman with borderline diagnosis, and he stuck it out for two years, and no offence to people with borderline, but I think it can be a quite tricky thing, to manage an intimate relationship with someone with that diagnosis.
And.. just when I thought: Hmm, I probably won’t hear from Soldier Boy again… he TEXTS me, like.. only 4-5 hours after we said goodbye today…
“Thanks for this date. We will have to do it again. 😉 I hope your day is really good!“.
Sigh… Men. I will never understand them!
If I agree to see Soldier Boy again, HE is going to uphold the main part of the conversation. Or I’m out. I am not looking for a sex buddy, and I will make that clear, that if he doesn’t want to even talk to me, he can go somewhere else. If he wants to talk to me, fine, I’ll give it one more go…
Why did I ever decide to go out dating again? It is just SO much harder than I remembered…
But, on the plus side: I got a LOT of sex yesterday! Probably more than I have gotten in… a year or two? With a HOT man! So, I still feel like I won the lottery…. 😉