Why do I need the fire?

Why can’t I enjoy lukewarm? Nothing wrong with that, is there? Don’t millions of people choose lukewarm everyday?

Why can’t I be like them?

Why do I need physical attraction, attractiveness and chemistry, and laughter, with a person?

Why do I need to feel like I want to devour a person, to even bother being interested?

Why have I never been able to “let love grow”? Why has it never grown, when I have tried to be patient?

Why is love, for me, a lightning in my heart, whereas for others, it is a slowly growing oak tree?

Why can’t I feel strongly for this new man who is interested in me, who “only” seems kind and family-oriented? (Let’s call him Family Man, from now on).

Why can’t I will myself to feel stronger for him?

Why do my thoughts go back to the other: the one who made me want to surrender, sacrifice, laugh, love, go crazy, stumble, fall, and do it all again?

Why is it he knew my thoughts, before I even put them into words?

Why can’t I forget those wolf eyes, that beaming smile?

Why can’t I forget those words he said, “If I ever meet you, I am done for, and I won’t ever be able to let you go“.

Why can’t I forget our laughs, or how I wanted to touch him so much my body ached?

Why have I never met a nice, mature man, who is also very physically attractive? (I mean never, as in a thousand men I have known…)

If I want a family of my own, and am running out of time quickly: why can’t I settle?

Why the f*ck can’t I just settle?