So, I am officially killing all hope I had when it comes to Mr. Wrong. Not that I had much left, but there were small glimmers of it, like a flickering candle in the wind. It popped up from time to time during this week… You know the kind of thoughts: “Perhaps he will overcome his fears, and then, blah blah blah…”.
But, not a word from him, in one week’s time. And, like I said, in this phase of online dating etc, if someone I have upheld a lot of contact with for a while, goes AWOL for a week, they’re out, in my book. Depression or not. So, true to my word, I will today consider the hope lost and buried, when it comes to him.
I know we never had anything that seems “real” in the eyes of anyone else, since we never met in real life, only video chats and hundreds of texts etc. I have heard a lot from other people, comments like “It was just a fantasy anyway”, and similar things. Although I understand that kind of thinking, for me, this attraction, chemistry, and beginning of falling in love, felt more real to me than the entire relationship with The Narcissist, for example…. No matter what people say or think, I know there was something very real there, with mr. Wrong.
I also know he went into his darkness again, and fled. Hence, the killing of the last hope, taking place today.
There is some lingering pain, which is to be expected, since I haven’t really felt a beginning new love for anyone, since six years back in time. It is not very sharp, really. It is just like a sort of… heaviness. Hard to describe, but it is a sort of heaviness on my back, making my steps a little heavier when I walk.
Looking at the sunny weather outside, after 6 months of dark, cold winter, but not feeling the complete joy that “should” be there. The feeling of missing something, like something in your life path went a little wrong, and now you have to re-orient yourself… like when you are in one of those garden-mazes, and you hit a dead end, although you could have sworn that was the right path…
The image of him, is etched onto my retina, and in my heart. I don’t know how long it will take to erase it completely, but I hope it will start fading around the edges, soon enough…
I haven’t stopped my life, really. Am still talking to that new prospect, “Family Man”. Thinking about going on a date with him, perhaps next weekend though. Give my heart a breather, first.
Oh, and Soldier Boy, many of you wonder, perhaps… Well, turns out, it is (was?) basically only a physical/casual thing with him, at least the way it seems and how we both have acted. He is travelling for 2 weeks or so, so I don’t give it much thought.
So, moving on then.
Just, please god (if you’re out there, which I don’t really believe, but hey, if you are..), please just don’t let Mr. Wrong reach out again, I really don’t need that kind of trial, one more time now. Please, just give me a break right now, could really use one… Thanks!