Family Man has been acting sort of weird, since I put up a boundary. I simply told him I wanted to slow things down, just a little bit. I said that since I felt that he wanted to “seal the deal” way too fast for my taste. Ie see us as a couple from the very start of our dating. I told him I felt it was too fast, and that I wanted to go on a few dates with him, really get to know him, before we made any decisions. To calm him down a bit and not throw him off, I also said I didn’t feel the need to go on any other dates in the meantime.
He seemed disappointed and, while he tried to be understanding, he also seemed to indicate he would have to withdraw a bit, back off, etc. He claimed he still wanted to see me and that he still felt the same way, etc.
He wasn’t too into contacting me anymore on Friday (the day I had put up the “boundary”). Saturday came, I texted him about seeing each other later in the day/evening. He seemed cheerful on text, but claimed to have a migraine and asked to please reschedule to the next day, if possible. He still claimed to feel the same about me. I accepted gladly and without fuss.
I sent him a text Saturday evening, hoping you are okay, some friendly stuff. No reply. (Even though in the morning of the same day, HE had asked if we could keep in touch a bit, during the day or evening…)
It is now Sunday, approaching 5 p.m. and no word from him. I am assuming the (already postponed) date, is off. In my book, if you are going for a date in the evening, it is common courtesy to text during the day, or at least early afternoon, to set the plans…. especially if you haven’t replied to the person’s latest text etc.
Oh well. If he texts now, I will probably cancel, and tell him it’s due to the fact that I didn’t hear from him, and that I won’t have the time to get ready, with short notice. (I AM a woman, after all!)
But, something else happened yesterday, which was unexpected, and quite lovely. I think I might have made a new friend! It is someone from the social site I have been frequenting, to meet new friends etc. I have only met her a couple of times before, but she seemed nice. She unexpectedly texted me yesterday about going for drinks and chatting. I gladly accepted.
We ended up at this lovely old pub with live music, where people were happy, songs were great, and we had some sparkling wine. We didn’t talk to any of the men there, just to each other. It was a great atmosphere. It was really easy to talk to her, and it turned out we both had experiences of destructive relationships, me with the narcissist, and she recently also ended a destructive relationship with a very emotionally unavailable man. (Narcissist?!)…. so naturally, we had a wealth of things to talk about.
It was one of those moments where you feel like: Hey, this could be the beginning of something great! And I was so relieved, especially considering the cancelled date.
She has a bit of social anxiety, so I don’t expect us to hang out all the time, just once in a while perhaps, but we already started talking about things to do in the summer, etc. So that just felt really great.
And, once again, it hit me just how much I have missed having close friends. You know the kind you can really talk to. And once again, I was so glad that I am also, besides the dating site, actually making an effort to get other new social contacts aswell, not only dates.
This evening with NF, as I’ll call her (NewFriend, haha), really helped me take the pressure off the whole dating thing. I could shrug at Family Man’s strange pirouettes, with a much greater ease, than had I been at home, alone.
Loneliness is a hard thing. And it drags you down. You don’t notice how much, until you really connect with new friends, start to hang out a bit with new people, etc. It is like you come alive again. I am not saying it is easy, the place I live is probably one of the hardest places on Earth, in terms of getting to know new people. People in general here are extremely reserved, hang with their own crowd, don’t let other people in easily, etc. So it is hard, but not impossible, which was just shown to me, this day.
So, the Saturday ended on a really positive note for me, despite Family Man’s odd behavior. I felt at peace, knowing that I can make new friends again. Friends that help ease the loneliness.
I felt very relaxed and at ease, today.
Until… I saw that Mr. Wrong had visited my dating profile again, Saturday, and “liked” a photo of me there…. My heart skipped a beat, or three.
That was his M.O. before, when initiating contact again with me, after withdrawing. Like a lynx darting between trees, in the shadows.. Carefully, silently… ready to shy away and escape, at any sign of danger, like too close an encounter with a human being…
His issues are his, and I know it isn’t possible to be with someone who shies away as soon as you get close to them. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting my heart, to catch a glimpse of that beautiful lynx again… I know, and understand, what it is like, to be such a creature… I too, have chosen lonely dark paths for so long, shying away from human contact.
But not anymore! And I am so glad for that…