This is a blog about regaining control of myself and healing after the subtle, but almost-deadly, emotional abuse from a narcissistic ex.
I had another blog regarding the same theme, but since there was a risk that the narcissist had discovered my blog, I had to abandon it.
Anyway it will be good to start fresh again. I am now on a renewed No Contact, first day of it is today. The emotional torture I have gone through at the hands of the narcissist during several years, has recently brought me inches from Rock Bottom. I don’t wanna be there ever again. I want to survive! I feel I deserve some happiness in this world, no matter how screwed up I am right now after years of emotional abuse.
In the blog I will rediscover and process memories of abuse, and feelings connected to it. If there is any higher power out there, I urge it/he/she/them to help me a bit more, this time. I hope that with time I will recover. However this is a slippery road with many obstacles, so I won’t beat myself to a pulp, if I slip.
Quitting the narcissist is without a doubt the worst and hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I am in a very dark place right now, emotionally. I have a hard time believing that happiness even exists, right now. But hey, I’ll take my word for it, I’ve seen happiness before, even if it’s very long ago.
If you are healed already, if you’re recovering, just discovered your partner to be a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist.. or maybe you “got out” but are still raw from the pain of emotional abuse, like me.. Whatever state or stage you’re in, you’re welcome to share thoughts in the comments. The only thing I ask is that comments are held in a nice tone and free from judgement. Victims of narcissistic abuse can be enough weighed down by self-blame, so there will be no “victim blaming” allowed here. (Like comments about: Why don’t you just leave the ex behind”etc). Those of us who have lived through a narcissistic, emotionally abusive relationship, know how incredibly hard it is to break free. However, advice and support in a friendly manner is MORE than welcome of course.
I will also write about anything that comes into my mind about life, love, random thoughts. A warning is that this blog might contain a lot of sadness, at least for a while to come. But hey. It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to! At least for now.
I will pray today. Even if I am not sure that anyone is listening. Just to feel hopeful. I need hope more than anything right now.