Celebrating small victories is what will get me through this war! Last night I received a hoover from Hero (ex Narcissist “extraordinaire”)… I did not reply. Go “Team Me”! This was the first hoover since my renewed No Contact, that I started 10 days ago. (Well technically it was 3 hoovers, since it was 3 very short one sentence sort of e-mails, during the evening).
The content was totally meaningless, simply “Are you there?”, “All this is so hard!” (For him, I assume, the selfish little boy, not a word asked about ME). Oh, and “Do you wanna come over?”. (Very profound, and filled with remorse that one, don’t ya think?)
I have discovered a very annoying pattern. This is that I can usually resist the first 2 occasions of hoovering. The third day/occasion, my despair and grief get the best of me and I usually reply in some form. Also I have never made it to 30 days of full No Contact. Now, adding to this, I can’t change my e-mail address right now, cause it is related to my work in an extremely important way.
What I have done, is I’ve blocked Hero’s e-mail account. The problem with him is he keeps creating new ones, just to be able to send me e-mails(!) To be honest, anyone I dare to tell this shakes their head and say it is “sick behavior” that a person won’t let you be, even though you block their e-mail..
And if I don’t reply, he drives by my place and puts a letter in the mailbox. However, I am almost certain that I will get a new job position in a couple months, so I’ll just have to hang in there until then, then he won’t be able to e-mail, at least.
The audacity he has in contacting me is mind boggling. Cause last time I made it clear to him, that under no circumstances would I ever speak to him again, unless he were to commit to powerful therapy and work on his destructive behaviors. Also, he’d need to take a few other steps, to repair all the things he’s broken. He didn’t go for that, but still thinks it’s OK to keep contacting me, although I’ve made it very clear what my terms were.
This is the thing with narcissists, ladies and gents, they will never comply regarding your demands, and they will never respect your wishes. Cause everything is always about what they want. And they don’t wanna work for it, oh no. They can wreak the worst havoc in your life, and then pop up like nothing ever happened, expecting you to be all accommodating and forgiving.
I like to call this the narcissist’s “reset button”. If you remember the Super Mario video game from the 90’s? Where you could always get an extra life. And you could always reset the game if you screwed up. I bet the narcissists of the world loved that game! Cause they do the same in reality.
You know what? I’m feeling rebellious now. I’ll be damned if I let him win again! (That unimaginable bastard). Ok, I won’t start an armed guerrilla war to make my revolution. (Like mr. Guevara in the pic above). But a revolution there will be, nonetheless. I figure I will try the more Ghandi-like approach. Pacifistic, non-aggression, that sort of thing. I will bore Hero into not contacting me! If he doesn’t get any reaction whatsoever, he should fade away to greener pastures of innocent and naive new supply.
If you’re reading this, root for me please, in resisting hoovers☺ And I’ll send out a prayer into the universe too, that all who are struggling with this, may manage to make their escape. Never.Abused.Again.