It felt like someone had stuck a knife in my back, when I tried to get out of bed Friday morning. I screamed, involuntarily. The pain was the worst I’ve felt in years (at least in terms of physical pain).

The “knife” was below my shoulder, near the spine. During the next few hours I made about 8 more tries, in all possible manners, to get up. Same result, a scream, and falling back into bed. I must have looked like a circus artist doing modern, assymetric, acrobatic art. While on drugs. Every movement, hell, every breath, hurt like being bitten by the hounds of Hell. I tell you, it wasn’t fun, but eventually I just had to laugh at the thought of “What if someone saw me now”, and how pathetic I must have looked bouncing in the bed like that.


I was gonna go out with a friend but I had to cancel. We rescheduled.

Everyone in my family has major problems with their backs. Nothing you can “do anything about”. (We tried it all). Every now and then, it will strike. You just have to tough it out. It took me half the day to get up, another 24 hours of careful moving around, stretching, massaging, pain killers etc. Mid Saturday, I was back to normal mobility. I’m lucky, I haven’t had this sort of thing happen in a couple years now.

This is my “back story” (uhm..πŸ˜‰) to explain why I haven’t set up the dating site thingie yet. And now I have to catch up on all the work I missed plus all the house chores.. so the dating site will have to wait. Oh well, they waited 4 years for me, they can wait a few more days!😊 I could write a profile quickly, but I want it to be as perfect as can be, in the sense that it will not be like a neon sign for attracting narcissists/abusers… while still showing the good sides of my personality.. I feel this requires a lot of thought.

I also realized, when being stuck in bed, how amazing it is to have a functioning body, and how I normally take that for granted. I spent some time feeling grateful that, even though my spirit was almost broken in the last few years, I still have my body that enables me to move around, and experience wonderful places and people. And with a living, functioning body, I do have the possibility of also rebuilding my spirit once again… (work in progress!)

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Tonight I made a sort of tuna/chili casserole (I named it “Dragon Breath”, hot!) which was delicious and am now checking out some new sci-fi TV series. I was also pleased to find some old photos on a memory card… might be something there for my photo blog posts!

All in all, feeling grateful and at peace. Just a little glimpse of a moment in SurvivedNarc’s small part of this world’s existence. I’ve missed having ordinary problems and calm moments of joy. I do not miss the psychological mind games!

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It’s warm and quiet around me in bed, and mr. Cat is muttering something in the Cat-ish language, he’s asleep next to me.

I feel I’m on my way to happiness!Β 

πŸ’–Peace and hope, friends/Survived.πŸ’–