I know, I know. I am usually all about Karma and the universe taking care of the abusers. But… I am human. What can I say. I couldn’t resist a very small act of “revenge”, when presented with the opportunity. In my defense, I didn’t actively seek a revenge, it just sort of presented itself and I jumped on board… long rambling post, sorry!   🙂

Now, don’t get me wrong, I haven’t gone through with a “real” revenge. That is, I haven’t done anything that the narcissist would “truly deserve”, after 4 years of him torturing me emotionally. No boiling of bunnies, no slashing car tires, no ruining his life. Nope. (And I do NOT recommend that, since the narcissist’s revenge in return, would be ten-fold). I’ve settled for the “miniature revenge”, that doesn’t seem too unhealthy, either..

I didn’t feel secure enough with the previous 2 apps for blocking calls and texts. They didn’t show me with certainty that that person was blocked… (free versions, sigh). And you can imagine my heightened anxiety about being contacted today, by Narc, on Valentine’s. Especially since  The Ninja Hoover, a couple days ago. So, I upgraded the “Clean Inbox – smsBlocker”, to the paid version (1 dollar or so). That gave me an option: “Do you want to send an automated reply, if the blocked person sends you a text?”. Uhm…. YES, I do! It basically only says that “Error… bla blah something.. phone is not in use”. But, since Narc does have at least a little bit of intelligence, he will figure out that he is blocked, upon recieving that automated message, if he texts me. In your face, Narc, if you dare send some BS about “love”, on Valentine’s, or in the future!

As for blocking calls, I uninstalled mr. Number app, cause it wouldn’t let me see my “Blocked” – list. So therefore I was unsure whether Narc’s number really was blocked. I bought “Extreme Call blocker” instead, for like 8 – 9 dollars. Valentine’s gift to myself. 🙂 I LOVE this app! It has many good functions, for example you can choose that you never even want to see that they called, in your call log. You can choose how your phone “reacts” if they call. I chose: “Let phone ‘answer’ and hang up immediately, and leave no option for caller to leave voicemail”. And I LOVE that the “blacklist” where you put the blocked number, is dark, black, sleek and sort of evil-looking.. reminds you of why you put the person on the “blacklist” to begin with…  🙂

I love technology! I got “a small revenge”, that doesn’t really “hurt” anybody. It simply means the narcissist will figure out I have blocked him. And for me, that is a tremendous relief. You see, even if he would send text messages, and not get a reply, I know he got some sort of relief/satisfaction, in knowing that I read the texts. Especially since he was always “acting” the role of the “good guy/saint”. Like: “I know you hate me probably, I tried to make a mends, but since you’re this angry, I guess I am gonna have to face being alone, here… “. Complete and utter bullshit. And it disturbed me to no end, to know he sat there all smug, and could feel like a “good guy”, having sent texts absolving him (in his mind), from any responsibility for his actions.

Even though he tortured me emotionally, for four years.. as soon as he sent me bullshit texts like that, making himself the victim, it really hindered my healing, and pissed me off immensely. So now, I killed two birds with one stone: I don’t have to hear his bullshit, and I do not give him any opportunity to feel like he’s “the good guy just trying to work things out”, cause he doesn’t get messages through to me, pretending he’s “that guy”.

It may sound petty and ridiculous. But it means something, to me. When he managed to get through to me, with messages of how “ I (SurvivedNarc) was the one who hindered a resolution”, he actually managed to keep abusing me. And obsolving himself of accountability. Not only were his words complete horseshit, it made ME feel bad, and HIM feel better, about himself.

So, what I’m doing is basically turning the tables. You could say it is protecting myself fiercely. You could also claim that it entails an element of revenge, cause of the fact that he will understand: “Oh, she completely blocked me from both calls and texts”.

You know what? I am beyond caring. That person has hurt me beyond all imagination. And he doesn’t even feel pain, the way other people do (since people are “things” to him). If he feels an ounce of this complete rejection, and if it stings him a little, in his shrinked sorry excuse for a soul, then so be it! I don’t have compassion for him, anymore. I had that for four years. Now, it is time to focus all my compassion on myself! And, this small act of revenge makes me feel good! Real good, about myself. Like, I DO have some strength, after all. If Jesus does exist, I do apologize to him. I know that is not His way, he would turn the other cheek…. But I am sorry, Jesus, if you see/hear this, right now I can NOT turn the other cheek…perhaps you could see me as an avenging angel, of sorts? I do feel this revenge is justified, however small it is…

Peace and love / Survived ❤