Ok, so Mr. Wrong is back. Well, he saw to it that he never really went away completely. He became a bit more quiet, sort of like he knew he had messed up a bit and was therefore laying low. I never quite got an apology, instead I got very cute little messages (buttering me up, I suppose!)… Β I don’t know if it’s a male thing, the difficulty in saying “Sorry, I messed up”.

He carefully asked if I would consider Skyping with him today, instead. I accepted. I thought: What do I have to lose, really? It doesn’t mean that I will start trusting him immediately. On the contrary, I will watch his behavior closely from here on out. Mess up once, okay. Mess up twice… and you may be out of my good graces.

(And yes, I have been messaging with “Mr. 43”, a bit, too. He is interested while I have been more hesitant… Perhaps more on that later, if anything interesting happens there).

So, back to the Skyping. We had a video conversation, Mr. Wrong and I. Oh lord, where to begin….

His eyes, his smile, his body… he was MUCH more attractive on video chat, than in his photos. It’s not that he has that “male model beauty”, it is something else, that certain “Je ne sais quoi”… He really does have that look of “a hungry wolf”, meaning very sensual eyes… He has this incredible smile which reaches the eyes and just makes his whole face light up… I was feeling nervous, jittery, butterflies, you name it, I had it. I felt like a school girl with her first crush. Really stupid.

He kept telling me how I was so incredibly beautiful and that he just could not for the life of him understand how I could be single. I said “Likewise”. He explained that in the small town up North where he lives, “there aren’t that many people to date”. Haha.

I even casually managed to mention a bit of my wanting to get in better shape and so on. He assured me I didn’t have to do a thing, that I am beautiful just the way I am.

We talked about general things, about our lives for a while, and then the conversation turned a bit hot and sexy. I must say I haven’t felt this attracted to a man in many years. It’s like: I don’t care what happens, I just have to touch this person. I crave him. It is so silly and ridiculous that you can even be this attracted to a person, like the strongest magnet, no point in resisting… Time flew and suddenly we had been talking for one and a half hour!

Perhaps it will “only” be a physical thing between us. At this point, I don’t really care. That would be fine with me. I need some physical intimacy, badly. And when I say badly, I mean “Someone touch me now, or I will wither away and die!”. But it doesn’t have to be only physical… I am open to all possibilities.

I know he is a lot younger, but the thing is that in the countryside, it is quite common for people to get married and have children, at his age. Here in the big city people are more my age when they do those things… so it might not be a complete disaster with the age difference.

We talked about seeing each other for a weekend. We were both going to think about if it would work out this coming weekend, he was gonna check airfare etc.

At one point in the conversation he mentioned he had been thinking about perhaps applying to a specific education, in my town. In that context he said: “Well, can I move in with you then?”, and I said “Sure, I’ve got plenty of space”. This was all said in a very joking tone, still, it just felt so… natural.

Such a warm and fuzzy feeling in my body now…

That smile… That smile will surely be the end of me.

My head stays cool, curious, but still sane and in reality, but my heart…

My heart…